True North: Finding Your Center and Staying on Your Path

My 3Ps: Positive thinking, Perseverance, and being Present

One of the things I keep being reminded of in life is that no matter what the situation, whether a job search, raising a child, a disagreement with another, an overwhelming project, a difficult goal or anything else you experience, you will benefit from these three things which I have termed the 3Ps: the power of your Positive thoughts, Persevering and being in the Present moment.

Those who know me and/or follow this blog might know that I'm in the midst of a career transition & job search; that I've been promoting our band, Inner Gypsy for several years; and that I'm a runner, training for a 15K race this Summer. In each of these endeavors, several times I have hit the proverbial "wall" - that place where you get so frustrated at your results that you slow down, check out, and/or feel like giving up. Life's tough, no doubt about it. But in each of these endeavors, the 3Ps have made a big difference for me on how I perceive and move forward with my challenges.

I'll illustrate these points using my career search. In the last six months, I have given serious consideration to my experience and talent in discerning the capacity of work I'd be best suited for at this stage of my life. I have applied to dozens of positions. I have been on several interviews; I have networked with my phone and rolodex and with my social media tools; I have reformatted and jazzed up my resume; and I have written countless cover letters and done research on myriad companies. In fact, as I write this, I am waiting to hear back from a company I really connected with and would like the opportunity to work for, to call me back with their choice (I am one of three finalists).

One might say that I am no closer to my goal than I was when I began, because I haven't been hired yet. There are folks out there on job boards and radio shows saying things like, "The economy is so bad, do whatever you can to get hired, it's every man (or woman) for himself", "Take whatever job you can get, be willing to compromise your standards and take less money", and even "You must be ready for any question they may ask you, no matter how odd."

This type of thinking promotes anxiety, and if you embrace it there is no amount of preparation or work you do which you will consider "enough". It's also not a healthy way to live.

Now, I'm not afraid of work, and believe me when I tell you, I put a lot of time and sincere effort into my job search. I have job-bots set up to email me whenever key words are posted in my geographic area; I research, write, apply, converse, convince, rehearse, network, call, practice, and keep a log of my activities. And sometimes when I speak with colleagues who are also in this transition, or who are fearful that the jobs they currently hold will soon end, they ask me how I can be so positive. The answer is twofold.

First, know that I'm not a Pollyanna who walks around with a smile on her face all the time, and I sure have my moments of doubt and fear, just like anyone. But, secondly and most importantly, I don't dwell there. I feel the feeling and move on, and so I perform each of the tasks I describe above simply to that task's end, as honestly and completely as I can. Then, I feel good about my efforts, continue to push forward and do the best I can.

Much of this attitude is the result of some recent personal work I have done in the area of being present in the moment. In this practice, we do not bring our past into the current moment, and we do not project the future into the present moment. We are simply present. This concept, while simple, has taken me a long time to assimilate into my reality. I have spent most of my life asking "What if", unable to stop myself from imagining what might be or dwelling on what might have been. But recently I have discovered that when I notice myself doing either of those things, I can simply refocus my attention on the present and all the anxiety slips away and I am able to just be. The more I practice it, the easier and more natural it becomes. And, I'm sure the people I spend time with appreciate the fact that I am present in the moment with them, and not off in another place in my head.

I also have lived long enough to know that often, when something occurs that seems like a real setback (for instance, getting turned down for a job), that it can actually turn out to be a positive occurrence (the company goes out of business, or you land a better offer elsewhere - both of these things have happened to me). Also, there is power in 'failure': we learn to ask for help, to consider alternatives, to adapt our thinking, to stop doing things that don't work!

If we don't push forward, we don't learn and grow. If I didn't continue running when I was tired, my legs ached and I was gasping for air, I wouldn't be able to now run as far and as fast as I can. This makes me healthier. If I didn't continue promoting my band, I wouldn't have the experience of all the people who approach me and say they enjoy our show and our songs, and that feels great! With perseverance comes achievement. With achieving difficult things comes confidence. With confidence comes a positive attitude. It's all connected.

Therefore, my advice is don't fret, my friends. Yes, the world is screwy and the economy isn't great and there are bad people out there doing bad things. So what? Worry doesn't get you anywhere. Positive thinking, on the other hand, does. It promotes self-confidence, it makes for a better experience, and it helps you connect and communicate with other like-minded individuals.

So, the next time you feel like giving up or giving in, take heart in the knowledge that the struggle you're going through has been experienced in some form or another by everyone. You're not alone, and if you keep moving, even slowly, in the direction of your dreams, you're making progress.

I leave you with a Norman Vincent Peale quote, "Lots of people limit their possibilities by giving up easily. Never tell yourself 'this is too much for me. It's no use. I can't go on.' If you do, you're licked, and by your own thinking too. Keep believing and keep on keeping on. "

True North: Finding your Center and Staying on Your Path

What Now?

Like so many others, I was laid off last year. After climbing the corporate ladder at a well-known NYC-based company for over ten years, playing the model employee, working to distinguish myself, swatting away the pettiness and the politics, and building a successful portfolio, the senior management changed direction and I was systematically "de-hired".

Now, I have seen this transition as a huge blessing from the very beginning, for a number of reasons. This job was one that I took when, as a young single lady in my late 20's, I moved from Woodstock to Manhattan with dreams of working in the music business. I found out quickly that those MTV and Arista Records jobs weren't plentiful and didn't pay well and so, having to cough up the dough for my new 6th Floor walk-up studio rental, I accepted a job in the fashion world. Like Andy Sachs in The Devil Wears Prada (2006), I was working in an industry I didn't feel a connection with, in a job I didn't find fulfilling, with a number of self-centered people (not all, mind you) who only cared about the next promotion. My true calling has always been more personal and creative– writing and performing music, and psychological and sociological counseling have been the two areas that have always beckoned me from (seemingly) afar.

During the last nine months I have been lucky enough to pursue pastimes I love, including traveling (a delightful month in Europe with my husband), reconnecting with old pals, strengthening bonds with my dearest friends, completing projects around the house (a bathroom remodel), and engaging in more creative endeavors, like building my flute repertoire, learning to play guitar, writing more songs, and organic gardening in my backyard.

While this professional status change was a blessing and an opportunity, it's also a frightening transition. Because, you see, I am a different person. And I cannot go backwards. I am unable to fathom the idea of practicing my previous profession in the type of corporate environment that I left. And, while I am clear about that, I'm unclear about what's next. I was very good at my work and I took a fair amount of personal satisfaction from that knowledge. I made a great salary, which allowed us a comfortable lifestyle. But I can't sacrifice my spirit to the paycheck any longer.

Over the past few months, I've tried to force fit my return to the workplace. I have gone on several interviews with corporations who wished to hire me in my old capacity as a Purchasing Director. I found each of these experiences stifling, controlling and terrifying. On one occasion I was told that I would need to take a drug test as a condition of hire. On another I was told that if I could start the very next day then I would get the job but if I could not then they would hire the other candidate. What? Do we really live in a world where people (under the cloak of a corporation) can push other people around this way? And, do we really have to take it?

No, we don't. We each carve our own reality, and mine sure as hell is not going back to a place where employees are abused. Many pundits talk about how bad our economy is, and how any of us unemployed should take the first thing that comes up and feel lucky to have it. But I refuse to make these important decisions from a place of fear. And, I'm lucky enough to have a husband who supports me in this choice.

At this point, I've begun to realize that I can't force myself back into a situation that I've outgrown. There is a level of stress and pressure I feel to 'figure this out', to determine what I am qualified to do, what I would be good at, what would be fulfilling, and to get it 100% right and do it quickly because the mortgage isn't going to pay itself.

I have done enough personal work to know that good decisions do not come from a frenetic, stressed mind. So, I have tried to slow down, and have been meditating, journaling and listening to my dreams and my intuition to determine my calling. I'm also keeping an open mind regarding what that calling will be, because, you see, it would be very easy to discount any of them which involve going back to school (too expensive), volunteering (too time consuming), and starting from scratch (not enough income).

For now, I must admit, I do not know what is next. There is a freeing and a release of breath in the not knowing. The most important thing I have learned thus far is to stay in the moment. I am not bringing bad experiences of the past to my new life, and I am not projecting fear about the future into the present moment, I am taking each and every situation anew. So, will I pursue arts therapy? Mediation? Writing? Opening a cafe? I don't know. But I do know that, whatever I choose to do, it will be far more authentic and fulfilling than the work I was performing one year ago. And, for that, I feel blessed.